“Old People Feet”

Watching my youth fade has been a surprising joy

I never thought I would have what the very young Kaylee used to call “Old People Feet.”

Maybe I didn’t care enough about preventing, or rather, slowing down my inevitable aging as much as I should have in high school and early college, because I feel like this year I’ve aged far more than I have in any other year of my life. Some would say that would be because of the stress of COVID, but I know my body and I know it’s because I had a baby.

And reader, don’t read that with any ounce of bitterness. My strong body created eyes, ears and a heart. My strong, beautifully broken body moved, pushed and screamed a new soul through it and into the world. My wonderfully aged body now has cracked feet with popped varicose veins.

While my hands, arms and thighs carry far more strength than the days of sports, they are filled with tattooed scars that giving birth brought.

There are gray hairs, stray hairs and the loss of hair. It seems as though making a life took some of my life. As though in birthing a baby I had to give some of my youth to him.

And I find immense joy in that.

I’m honored to give my youth to a tiny creature so beautiful.

In fact, I’d light myself on fire just to give him my youth again. He is the most precious, beautiful work of art my body has ever created, and because of that I will always be proud of my “old people feet.”